thoughts

What makes us Human

Our unique ability to cooperate and care for one another has been a key factor in our success as a species. Not only did this help us survive, it allowed us to thrive. While other species, like elephants, have endured for millions of years without significant change to their way of life, humans have transformed their existence dramatically in just the past few thousand years. Fifty thousand years ago, our ancestors lived vastly different lives, but through innovation, we became increasingly capable of shaping our environment to meet our needs, rather than adapting ourselves to the environment.

As human beings, we exist both as individuals and as members of communities. We are constantly balancing the tension between being one of many and standing apart as a unique individual.

The Chemicals That Shape Our Behavior

Endorphins are our body’s natural painkillers, acting as a personal opiate to mask discomfort. When athletes experience a "runner’s high," they are feeling the effects of endorphins—a temporary surge of euphoria that motivates them to push through physical exhaustion. This surge is nature’s reward, encouraging us to continue exerting ourselves.

Dopamine plays a crucial role in goal-oriented behavior. It rewards us with a rush of pleasure when we achieve something we’ve been striving for. Each step toward our goal triggers a little hit of dopamine, reinforcing our drive to continue working. When we finally reach our objective, the feeling of satisfaction is a large, rewarding dopamine release. This chemical not only fuels our ambitions but also makes us more likely to pursue long-term goals by creating a sense of accomplishment and progress. Dopamine can be addictive, explaining why behaviors like smoking, drinking, or gambling often feel so rewarding—they all trigger dopamine releases. In the digital age, even the ping of a notification can provide that same rush.

Together, endorphins and dopamine work to ensure our survival by driving us to act, achieve, and adapt.

Serotonin, in contrast, is the chemical that fosters feelings of pride and social value. It arises when we believe that others respect or appreciate us, giving us a sense of strength and confidence. If my only goal were to run a marathon, I could complete the task on any given day for the sheer dopamine rush of achievement. However, I chose to run on the day my family cheered me on, with the support of a crowd. The sense of pride I felt wasn’t just about crossing the finish line—it was deeply connected to the recognition and support of others.

Oxytocin is often considered the "love hormone" because it facilitates the formation of deep emotional bonds. It is released when we experience love, trust, or camaraderie with others, and it is most powerful when we form strong, positive connections with people we care about. This chemical helps us navigate vulnerability and intimacy, building bonds that can endure over time. When a relationship shifts from the spontaneous thrill of dopamine to the steady warmth of oxytocin, it evolves into something more stable and long-lasting.

One of my favorite definitions of love is giving someone the power to hurt you and trusting that they won’t use it. This kind of trust, vulnerability, and connection is at the heart of deep, oxytocin-driven relationships.

Despite our desire to stand out and assert our individuality, we are fundamentally social creatures. Our biology drives us to seek out belonging within a group, where we feel safe, valued, and supported. This social instinct is key to our happiness and well-being.

Acts of kindness—whether giving, receiving, or even witnessing them—trigger oxytocin in everyone involved. It strengthens our connections to others and reinforces the cooperative nature that makes us human.

Excerpted from Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t by Simon Sinek.